Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman

Normally, when I’m getting ready to go out as Phil, the routine consists of finding a clean shirt and perhaps running my hands through my hair. Easy.

By contrast, the process of getting ready to go out as Penny begins weeks in advance. For example, I’ve been growing my fingernails for the last three weeks. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. To stop them from breaking, I have to cover them with a clear varnish. Trouble is, the varnish I bought wasn’t matt and the shine was just too obvious, so once they’ve dried, they need to be buffed with a fine emery! Of course as a woman, you can’t go to two big parties in a row wearing the same outfit, so I’ve had to do a bit of shopping. One major purchase has been a coat as the weather-folk keep predicting glacial temperatures over the next few weeks.

Other things to consider are what nail-varnish and lipstick to use to match your outfit. What handbag to use, whether to take a spare pair of tights or stockings, choose jewellery (if any) that goes with the ensemble. When staying over at a hotel, don’t forget to take all makeup kit including makeup remover (yes boys, soap doesn’t do the job as well and isn’t good for your skin).

If it’s a party, you’ll need your phone and a good digital camera, because the one in your phone doesn’t really take good enough pictures. So now how on earth are you going to fit them into the handbag as well as the lipstick, tissues, mirror, spare hosiery, purse and keys?

In addition to being more complex at an emotional and biological level, women are complex at the equipment level too. No wonder they get cross with us!

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