Talking about the things that really matter

Why is it so hard to talk to your loved one about the things that really matter?

There are all kinds of things we should talk to our partners about, like; love, entertainment, money, bills, schooling for the children, what he/she wants for her birthday and what he/she wants out of life. These are important, but also not too hard to discuss. The things that it is VITAL to discuss are the things that we don’t want to talk about. Straying just a little into the sterotypical, you hate the way she spends on the credit card, she hates the way you stay out late, drinking with your mates twice a week. You wish he’d wash up more often and feel depressed that it seems to be your responsibility. He can’t stand the way you get up so late and waste half the day.

These are all annoying, but what makes them hard to talk about in a rational way is that they cause friction. When your not being reminded of them, you don’t want to deal with them. When you are forced to confront them, they make your blood boil and a rational conversation is all but impossible.

I took the bit between my teeth a couple of nights ago with D. She hates that I’m a cross-dresser. She exudes waves of negativity (and it’s hard to blame her for that) and it makes it hard for me to broach the subject. I have to overcome a mountain of guilt and self-loathing, knowing that it’s selfish. It’s important. We need to get more comfortable, if only so she can know where I’ll be if I’m going out and who I’ll be with and where. It’s not something that can be excised. I’ve tried, many times. So we talked, or rather I talked. I talked some more and gradually I managed to get D to talk a little. I want us to be soul-mates and I don’t think this is possible if we don’t talk.

I can throw myself off a bridge with elastic tied to my legs. I can launch my windsurfer into freezing water, force 6 winds and eight foot waves without much trouble. It’s not hard to set off white-water rafting with a cheerful smile. Why then is it so hard just to talk?

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